I’ve always known that I wasn’t just attracted to the male gender. But in my household, it was considered as a sin, something to overcome.
Being attracted to the same gender was pretty much a bad or unnatural thing, and the concept of other genders besides cis man and woman were almost unthinkable.
That mindset changed when I went to senior high. In my supposedly non-religious (but actually Christian) school, my classmates and I were met with a teacher who supported LGBTQI rights. This encouraged those who were once oppressed by our system to come out and be proud.
I was still opposed to this, holding onto my conservative beliefs and what I believed to be biblical values. Besides, those in support of the queer community came off as too strong for me. I was totally unaware that they had come from an oppressive society.
Later on, however, I found that even some of those who were close to me were coming out. I realized that it wasn’t something easy. It wasn’t just a trend. But it was something real. That’s when I decided I’d embrace my sexuality and come out too.
I’ve encountered many difficulties. I wouldn’t say I’m in the worst possible situation, but my feelings are often invalidated by my parents and the Christian community. I live in this fear of not being able to be completely honest with them, having to censor my words or block people online. I even had a rift with God due to the lack of acceptance I’ve experienced as both as a pansexual in the Christian community.
But deep down inside, I believe that these two beliefs can be reconciled. They must, for they will both always be a part of me. Neither will ever change.
So here I am, saying to all my queer friends who came from conservative backgrounds, that it is not too late for you to embrace who you are. It is not too late for you to be proud of yourself and your queer family. And if you are stuck behind the closet doors due to invalidation, I am here to say that you are valid and loved.
Love,
thefirewriter
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